January 2011
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Variations on a Theme by William Carlos Williams
1 I chopped down the house that you had been saving to live in next summer. I am sorry, but it was morning, and I had nothing to do and its wooden beams were so inviting.
2 We laughed at the hollyhocks together and then I sprayed them with lye. Forgive me. I simply do not know what I am doing.
3 I gave away the money that you had been saving to live on for the...
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this gravity is more than i can bear.
i wake up weighed down by the pressure of simple existence. i ache from my passive resistance, muscles worn sore from fighting to stay part of reality while i lose myself inside.
i can’t maintain constant vigilance; i just can’t.
thirty two feet per second, every second, even at rest, i can feel it.
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If you have gotten so used to pressure, stress, and anxiety that it has become the norm rather than the exception, get ready to feel a huge sense of relief. In various areas of your world, a positive energy is flowing through and mending, healing, and generally correcting whatever is wrong. You will see evidence of this very soon, as first the small and then the large problems begin to dissolve...
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need to learn to make mistakes...
without lettin’ the world end.
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funny how, once the sun rises...
…things just don’t seem so damn dark.
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explosion or implosion;
neither are necessary. it’s just so tough to keep this in mind. i know i blow shit up, mountains outta molehills, real bad….
but in some small way, i guess i did fuck up tonight. maybe i’ll hear from you later, babydoll. probably not.
work in the mornin’. still feel like dyin’. need to get over that and go to bed pretty soon.
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and now...
i’ve just got a shit ton of energy with nothing at all to do with it.
holy shit i should be productive.
but all i really wanna do is just make really loud, super-monotonous annoying noises like…
‘DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.’
or
‘FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.’
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but on a lighter note...
picked up a six-pack’a blenheim from lift. redcap for sure, dawg.
ain’t got work today, wish it were warmer… gonna make some good outta this day. was wantin’ to go get my other cross finally, but katie’s at work, and i know she’s gonna wanna be there. figure i might go back ‘round work to apply at famous dave’s next door; they only ever play blues...
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i don't want to die;
instead, once i’ve strolled down my well-and-merry path, i’d rather just let the insanity consume me to the point of unawareness of existence.
sometimes i like to close my eyes and forget that i exist.
there is still being… but ‘i’ don’t exist. no worries about physical form. all is peaceful, as all is one.
the true ‘I’ is much different from...
chances are...
if we’ve just met, but you act like we’re old pals, all touchy feely, way-too-friendly for the duration of our acquantaince (and yes, i specifically chose that word. we are not friends, we are co-workers.)…
i fucking hate you.
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tick…
tick…
tick…
tick…
tick…
tick…
tick…
tick…
today sucked.
i gave my muffin to a homeless dude standin’ in the rain, and karma repays me by makin’ it snow enough to ruin my plans of goin’ back home to see some friends and go to mile high.
but instead, i get all anxious for no reason and eat a bunch’a mexican food.
and now i’m all alone ‘cause there’s nothing to do but lay here and wait for sleep.
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Decorum
She wrote, “They were making love up against a gymnasium wall,” and another young woman in class, serious enough to smile, said
“No, that’s fucking, they must have been fucking,” to which many agreed, pleased to have the proper fit of word with act.
But an older woman, a wife, a mother, famous in class for confusing grace with decorum and carriage, said the F-word would distract
the...
“You might wonder why I’m an asshole
I wonder I’m so uptight
I wonder why I...”
– Paul Baribeau - Never Get To Know (via leahxvx)
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i'm sick of choices,
this
or
that.
too definitive.
not enough wiggle-room.
it makes things too rigid
when its much easier just
to be.
procrastinated homework;
realized i need to be on-campus for the website to work for some reason.
fail.
at least the blasts’re only ticklin’ the inside’a my skull lately.
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for no reason in particular,
today’s just got a shine, i dunno.
well, they say there’s a calm before the storm…
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one more thought...
which is actually kinda related to the first…
someone once asked me why i tend to label things that’re experienced, mostly internally. i guess it’s ‘cause it’s nice to identify it as just something that these human vessels experience (and yes, i’m using that word, and if you read this you might understand.), and not actually a part of my real being.
thinking...
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strange thoughts...
does anyone else visually spell words in their head? and i mean, like often, especially when you hear a rather unusual or pretty or curious word?
i was at a party once, and i had forgotten this girl’s name by just one letter because i misspelled it in my head the first time. ‘aubrey’, where’s i had, in my intoxication, foolishly placed a d to name her...
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life
is all about just four little letters…
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the word 'weiners'
is seriously like ten times funnier when you spell it ‘wieners’.
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but really, i just keep forgetting;
everything always works out.
i've been awake
for almost an hour and a half, after sleeping for twelve hours, and i’m still in bed.
waiting for a reason to rise.
